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About
the refinements, or, as he called them, the 'ghost' of wit, the king
troubled himself very little. He had an especial admiration for breadth
in a jest, and would often put up with length, for the sake of it.
Over-niceties wearied him. He would have preferred
Rabelais' 'Gargantua' to the 'Zadig' of
Voltaire: and, upon the whole, practical jokes suited his taste far better than verbal ones.
At
the date of my narrative, professing jesters had not altogether gone
out of fashion at court. Several of the great continental 'powers'
still retain their 'fools,' who
wore motley,
with caps and bells, and who were expected to be always ready with
sharp witticisms, at a moment's notice, in consideration of the crumbs
that fell from the royal table.
Our king, as a matter of course,
retained his 'fool.' The fact is, he required something in the way of
folly -- if only to counterbalance the heavy wisdom of the seven wise
men who were his ministers -- not to mention himself.
His fool, or professional jester, was not only a fool, however. His value was
trebled
in the eyes of the king, by the fact of his being also a dwarf and a
cripple. Dwarfs were as common at court, in those days, as fools; and
many monarchs would have found it difficult to get through their days
(days are rather longer at court than elsewhere) without both a jester
to laugh with, and a dwarf to laugh at. But, as I have already
observed, your jesters, in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, are fat,
round, and unwieldy -- so that it was no small source of
self-gratulation with our king that, in Hop-Frog (this was the fool's
name), he possessed a triplicate treasure in one person.
I
believe the name 'Hop-Frog' was not that given to the dwarf by his
sponsors at baptism, but it was conferred upon him, by general consent
of the several ministers, on account of his inability to walk as other
men do. In fact, Hop-Frog could only get along by a sort of
interjectional gait -- something between a leap and a wriggle -- a
movement that afforded illimitable amusement, and of course
consolation, to the king, for (notwithstanding the protuberance of his
stomach and a constitutional swelling of the head) the king, by his
whole court, was accounted a capital figure.
But although
Hop-Frog, through the distortion of his legs, could move only with
great pain and difficulty along a road or floor, the
prodigious
muscular power which nature seemed to have bestowed upon his arms, by
way of compensation for deficiency in the lower limbs, enabled him to
perform many feats of wonderful dexterity, where trees or ropes were in
question, or any thing else to climb. At such exercises he certainly
much more resembled a squirrel, or a small monkey, than a frog.
I
am not able to say, with precision, from what country Hop-Frog
originally came. It was from some barbarous region, however, that no
person ever heard of -- a vast distance from the court of our king.
Hop-Frog, and a young girl very little less dwarfish than himself
(although of exquisite proportions, and a marvellous dancer), had been
forcibly carried off from their respective homes in adjoining
provinces, and sent as presents to the king, by one of his
ever-victorious generals.
Under these circumstances, it is not
to be wondered at that a close intimacy arose between the two little
captives. Indeed, they soon became sworn friends. Hop-Frog, who,
although he made a great deal of sport, was by no means popular, had it
not in his power to render Trippetta many services; but she, on account
of her grace and exquisite beauty (although a dwarf), was universally
admired and petted; so she possessed much influence; and never failed
to use it, whenever she could, for the benefit of Hop-Frog.
On
some grand state occasion -- I forgot what -- the king determined to
have a masquerade, and whenever a masquerade or any thing of that kind,
occurred at our court, then the talents, both of Hop-Frog and Trippetta
were sure to be called into play. Hop-Frog, in especial, was so
inventive in the way of getting up pageants, suggesting novel
characters, and arranging costumes, for masked balls, that nothing
could be done, it seems, without his assistance.
The night appointed for the
fete had arrived. A gorgeous hall had been fitted up, under Trippetta's eye, with every kind of device which could possibly give
eclat
to a masquerade. The whole court was in a fever of expectation. As for
costumes and characters, it might well be supposed that everybody had
come to a decision on such points. Many had made up their minds (as to
what roles they should assume) a week, or even a month, in advance;
and, in fact, there was not a particle of indecision anywhere -- except
in the case of the king and his seven minsters. Why they hesitated I
never could tell, unless they did it by way of a joke. More probably,
they found it difficult, on account of being so fat, to make up their
minds. At all events, time flew; and, as a last resort they sent for
Trippetta and Hop-Frog.
When the two little friends obeyed the
summons of the king they found him sitting at his wine with the seven
members of his cabinet council; but the monarch appeared to be in a
very ill humor. He knew that Hop-Frog was not fond of wine, for it
excited the poor cripple almost to madness; and madness is no
comfortable feeling. But the king loved his practical jokes, and took
pleasure in forcing Hop-Frog to drink and (as the king called it) 'to
be merry.'
"Come here, Hop-Frog," said he, as the jester and his
friend entered the room; "swallow this bumper to the health of your
absent friends, [here Hop-Frog sighed,] and then let us have the
benefit of your invention. We want characters -- characters, man --
something novel -- out of the way. We are wearied with this everlasting
sameness. Come, drink! the wine will brighten your wits."
Hop-Frog
endeavored, as usual, to get up a jest in reply to these advances from
the king; but the effort was too much. It happened to be the poor
dwarf's birthday, and the command to drink to his 'absent friends'
forced the tears to his eyes. Many large, bitter drops fell into the
goblet as he took it, humbly, from the hand of the tyrant.
"Ah!
ha! ha!" roared the latter, as the dwarf reluctantly drained the
beaker. -- "See what a glass of good wine can do! Why, your eyes are
shining already!"
Poor fellow! his large eyes gleamed, rather
than shone; for the effect of wine on his excitable brain was not more
powerful than instantaneous. He placed the goblet nervously on the
table, and looked round upon the company with a half -- insane stare.
They all seemed highly amused at the success of the king's 'joke.'
"And now to business," said the prime minister, a very fat man.
"Yes,"
said the King; "Come lend us your assistance. Characters, my fine
fellow; we stand in need of characters -- all of us -- ha! ha! ha!" and
as this was seriously meant for a joke, his laugh was chorused by the
seven.
Hop-Frog also laughed although feebly and somewhat vacantly.
"Come, come," said the king, impatiently, "have you nothing to suggest?"
"I am endeavoring to think of something novel," replied the dwarf, abstractedly, for he was quite bewildered by the wine.
"Endeavoring!"
cried the tyrant, fiercely; "what do you mean by that? Ah, I perceive.
You are Sulky, and want more wine. Here, drink this!" and he poured out
another goblet full and offered it to the cripple, who merely gazed at
it, gasping for breath.
"Drink, I say!" shouted the monster, "or by the fiends-"
The
dwarf hesitated. The king grew purple with rage. The courtiers smirked.
Trippetta, pale as a corpse, advanced to the monarch's seat, and,
falling on her knees before him, implored him to spare her friend.
The
tyrant regarded her, for some moments, in evident wonder at her
audacity. He seemed quite at a loss what to do or say -- how most
becomingly to express his indignation. At last, without uttering a
syllable, he pushed her violently from him, and threw the contents of
the brimming goblet in her face.
The poor girl got up the best she could, and, not daring even to sigh, resumed her position at the foot of the table.
There
was a dead silence for about half a minute, during which the falling of
a leaf, or of a feather, might have been heard. It was interrupted by a
low, but harsh and protracted grating sound which seemed to come at
once from every corner of the room.
"What -- what -- what are you making that noise for?" demanded the king, turning furiously to the dwarf.
The
latter seemed to have recovered, in great measure, from his
intoxication, and looking fixedly but quietly into the tyrant's face,
merely ejaculated:
"I -- I? How could it have been me?"
"The
sound appeared to come from without," observed one of the courtiers. "I
fancy it was the parrot at the window, whetting his bill upon his
cage-wires."
"True," replied the monarch, as if much relieved by
the suggestion; "but, on the honor of a knight, I could have sworn that
it was the gritting of this vagabond's teeth."
Hereupon the
dwarf laughed (the king was too confirmed a joker to object to any
one's laughing), and displayed a set of large, powerful, and very
repulsive teeth. Moreover, he avowed his perfect willingness to swallow
as much wine as desired. The monarch was pacified; and having drained
another bumper with no very perceptible ill effect, Hop-Frog entered at
once, and with spirit, into the plans for the masquerade.
"I
cannot tell what was the association of idea," observed he, very
tranquilly, and as if he had never tasted wine in his life, "but
just after your majesty, had struck the girl and thrown the wine in her face --
just after
your majesty had done this, and while the parrot was making that odd
noise outside the window, there came into my mind a capital diversion
-- one of my own country frolics -- often enacted among us, at our
masquerades: but here it will be new altogether. Unfortunately,
however, it requires a company of eight persons and-"
"Here we
are!" cried the king, laughing at his
acute discovery of the coincidence; "eight to a fraction -- I and my seven ministers. Come! what is the diversion?"
"We call it," replied the cripple, "the Eight Chained Ourang-Outangs, and it really is excellent sport if well enacted."
"We will enact it," remarked the king, drawing himself up, and lowering his eyelids.
"The beauty of the game," continued Hop-Frog, "lies in the fright it occasions among the women."
"Capital!" roared in chorus the monarch and his ministry.
"I
will equip you as ourang-outangs," proceeded the dwarf; "leave all that
to me. The resemblance shall be so striking, that the company of
masqueraders will take you for real beasts -- and of course, they will
be as much terrified as astonished."
"Oh, this is exquisite!" exclaimed the king. "Hop-Frog! I will make a man of you."
"The chains are for the purpose of increasing the confusion by their jangling. You are supposed to have escaped,
en masse, from your keepers. Your majesty cannot conceive the
effect
produced, at a masquerade, by eight chained ourang-outangs, imagined to
be real ones by most of the company; and rushing in with savage cries,
among the crowd of delicately and gorgeously habited men and women. The
contrast is
inimitable!"
"It
must be," said the king: and the council arose hurriedly (as it was growing late), to put in execution the scheme of Hop-Frog.
His
mode of equipping the party as ourang-outangs was very simple, but
effective enough for his purposes. The animals in question had, at the
epoch of my story, very rarely been seen in any part of the civilized
world; and as the imitations made by the dwarf were sufficiently
beast-like and more than sufficiently hideous, their truthfulness to
nature was thus thought to be secured.
The king and his ministers were first encased in tight-fitting
stockinet
shirts and drawers. They were then saturated with tar. At this stage of
the process, some one of the party suggested feathers; but the
suggestion was at once overruled by the dwarf, who soon convinced the
eight, by
ocular demonstration, that the hair of such a brute as the
ourang-outang was much more efficiently represented by
flax.
A thick coating of the latter was accordingly plastered upon the
coating of tar. A long chain was now procured. First, it was passed
about the waist of the king, and tied, then about another of the party,
and also tied; then about all successively, in the same manner. When
this chaining arrangement was complete, and the party stood as far
apart from each other as possible, they formed a circle; and to make
all things appear natural, Hop-Frog passed the residue of the chain in
two diameters, at right angles, across the circle, after the fashion
adopted, at the present day, by those who capture Chimpanzees, or other
large apes, in
Borneo.
The
grand saloon in which the masquerade was to take place, was a circular
room, very lofty, and receiving the light of the sun only through a
single window at top. At night (the season for which the apartment was
especially designed) it was illuminated principally by a large
chandelier, depending by a chain from the centre of the sky-light, and
lowered, or elevated, by means of a counter-balance as usual; but (in
order not to look unsightly) this latter passed outside the
cupola and over the roof.
The
arrangements of the room had been left to Trippetta's superintendence;
but, in some particulars, it seems, she had been guided by the calmer
judgment of her friend the dwarf. At his suggestion it was that, on
this occasion, the chandelier was removed. Its waxen drippings (which,
in weather so warm, it was quite impossible to prevent) would have been
seriously detrimental to the rich dresses of the guests, who, on
account of the crowded state of the saloon, could not all be expected
to keep from out its centre; that is to say, from under the chandelier.
Additional sconces were set in various parts of the hall, out of the
war, and a
flambeau, emitting sweet odor, was placed in the right hand of each of the
Caryatides that stood against the wall -- some fifty or sixty altogether.
The
eight ourang-outangs, taking Hop-Frog's advice, waited patiently until
midnight (when the room was thoroughly filled with masqueraders) before
making their appearance. No sooner had the clock ceased striking,
however, than they rushed, or rather rolled in, all together -- for the
impediments of their chains caused most of the party to fall, and all
to stumble as they entered.
The excitement among the masqueraders was
prodigious,
and filled the heart of the king with glee. As had been anticipated,
there were not a few of the guests who supposed the ferocious-looking
creatures to be beasts of
some kind in reality, if not
precisely ourang-outangs. Many of the women swooned with affright; and
had not the king taken the precaution to exclude all weapons from the
saloon, his party might soon have expiated their frolic in their blood.
As it was, a general rush was made for the doors; but the king had
ordered them to be locked immediately upon his entrance; and, at the
dwarf's suggestion, the keys had been deposited with
him.
While
the tumult was at its height, and each masquerader attentive only to
his own safety (for, in fact, there was much real danger from the
pressure of the excited crowd), the chain by which the chandelier
ordinarily hung, and which had been drawn up on its removal, might have
been seen very gradually to descend, until its hooked extremity came
within three feet of the floor.
Soon after this, the king and
his seven friends having reeled about the hall in all directions, found
themselves, at length, in its centre, and, of course, in immediate
contact with the chain. While they were thus situated, the dwarf, who
had followed noiselessly at their heels, inciting them to keep up the
commotion, took hold of their own chain at the intersection of the two
portions which crossed the circle diametrically and at right angles.
Here, with the rapidity of thought, he inserted the hook from which the
chandelier had been
wont
to depend; and, in an instant, by some unseen agency, the
chandelier-chain was drawn so far upward as to take the hook out of
reach, and, as an inevitable consequence, to drag the ourang-outangs
together in close connection, and face to face.
The
masqueraders, by this time, had recovered, in some measure, from their
alarm; and, beginning to regard the whole matter as a well-contrived
pleasantry, set up a loud shout of laughter at the predicament of the
apes.
"Leave them to me!" now screamed Hop-Frog, his shrill
voice making itself easily heard through all the din. "Leave them to
me. I fancy I know them. If I can only get a good look at them, I can
soon tell who they are."
Here, scrambling over the heads of the crowd, he managed to get to the wall; when, seizing a
flambeau from one of the
Caryatides,
he returned, as he went, to the centre of the room-leaping, with the
agility of a monkey, upon the kings head, and thence clambered a few
feet up the chain; holding down the torch to examine the group of
ourang-outangs, and still screaming: "I shall soon find out who they
are!"
And now, while the whole assembly (the apes included) were
convulsed with laughter, the jester suddenly uttered a shrill whistle;
when the chain flew violently up for about thirty feet -- dragging with
it the dismayed and struggling ourang-outangs, and leaving them
suspended in mid-air between the sky-light and the floor. Hop-Frog,
clinging to the chain as it rose, still maintained his relative
position in respect to the eight maskers, and still (as if nothing were
the matter) continued to thrust his torch down toward them, as though
endeavoring to discover who they were.
So thoroughly astonished
was the whole company at this ascent, that a dead silence, of about a
minute's duration, ensued. It was broken by just such a low, harsh,
grating sound, as had before attracted the attention of the king and
his councillors when the former threw the wine in the face of
Trippetta. But, on the present occasion, there could be no question as
to whence the sound issued. It came from the fang-like teeth of the
dwarf, who ground them and gnashed them as he foamed at the mouth, and
glared, with an expression of maniacal rage, into the upturned
countenances of the king and his seven companions.
"Ah, ha!"
said at length the infuriated jester. "Ah, ha! I begin to see who these
people are now!" Here, pretending to scrutinize the king more closely,
he held the
flambeau
to the flaxen coat which enveloped him, and which instantly burst into
a sheet of vivid flame. In less than half a minute the whole eight
ourang-outangs were blazing fiercely, amid the shrieks of the multitude
who gazed at them from below, horror-stricken, and without the power to
render them the slightest assistance.
At length the flames,
suddenly increasing in virulence, forced the jester to climb higher up
the chain, to be out of their reach; and, as he made this movement, the
crowd again sank, for a brief instant, into silence. The dwarf seized
his opportunity, and once more spoke:
"I now see distinctly." he
said, "what manner of people these maskers are. They are a great king
and his seven privy-councillors, -- a king who does not scruple to
strike a defenceless girl and his seven councillors who abet him in the
outrage. As for myself, I am simply Hop-Frog, the jester -- and this is
my last jest."
Owing to the high combustibility of both the
flax
and the tar to which it adhered, the dwarf had scarcely made an end of
his brief speech before the work of vengeance was complete. The eight
corpses swung in their chains, a
fetid,
blackened, hideous, and indistinguishable mass. The cripple hurled his
torch at them, clambered leisurely to the ceiling, and disappeared
through the sky-light.
It is supposed that Trippetta, stationed
on the roof of the saloon, had been the accomplice of her friend in his
fiery revenge, and that, together, they effected their escape to their
own country: for neither was seen again.